


i’ll carry your heart with me

by ambrosius



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Growing Up Together, M/M, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-29
Updated: 2017-12-29
Packaged: 2019-02-09 15:04:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12890463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ambrosius/pseuds/ambrosius
Summary: Merlin Emrys wasn’t sure what to make of Arthur Pendragon most days. He certainly wasn’t expecting to become best friends with Arthur all those days back in primary, and he definitely wasn’t ready to develop an all-encompassing crush on him.Now if only Merlin could do something about people constantly mistaking the two of them for a couple...(Or, five times people thought Merlin and Arthur were together and one time they actually were. A glimpse into the lives of Merlin and Arthur over the years.)





	i’ll carry your heart with me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Clea2011](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clea2011/gifts).



> When I first saw that I had you, Clea2011, for my assignment I was so nervous as I wanted to make sure you enjoyed this fic as much as I enjoy all of yours! Your prompts were lovely, and I ran with what inspired me. I hope I did them justice for you! Happy holidays!
> 
> A massive thank you to my beta for fixing up this fic for me! Any and all remaining mistakes are my own. And thank you to the mods for putting this fest on again!

THE BEGINNING: PRIMARY SCHOOL

“Hey, watch it!” Merlin called out as someone slammed into him, making him stumble and drop his drawings.

He watched as the boy who had knocked into him walked over them, footprints taking over the pages. He couldn’t help the tears welling up in his eyes. He had drawn those for his mother.

“Arthur,” Miss Nimueh, Merlin’s teacher, said in a stern tone. “Apologize to Merlin.”

Arthur huffed, rolling his eyes before glancing over at Merlin. “Sorry, Merlin.”

“And watch where you’re walking next time please!”

Arthur nodded and sat down.

Merlin sniffed and took his own seat, brushing over the drawings with his hand as if that would make the dirt disappear.

Stupid Arthur. 

“Okay, class, listen up!” Miss Nimueh said. “Today we’ll be shaking things up a little bit and moving our seats for the new section we’re starting today. These new spots will be where you sit for the rest of the year.”

The entire class groaned.

“Oh, stop it now. I promise it won’t be as terrible as you think.” Miss Nimueh winked. “When I call your name, please go to the seat I am standing by.”

Merlin couldn’t stop the swell of nerves that were overtaking him. The last thing he needed was to sit somewhere else. He glanced over next to him at his best friend, Will, who looked betrayed as Miss Nimueh called his name, standing in front of the seat next to Cenred, one of the class bullies. Merlin winced in sympathy.

“Merlin Emrys, here!”

Merlin quickly grabbed his things, making his way over to his desk, praying that anyone but Arthur Pendragon would be sitting next to him.

“Arthur Pendragon, here!”

Merlin’s stomach dropped. Of course, it had to be Arthur.

Merlin watched as Arthur shuffled towards him, slamming his things on top of the desk.

“I can’t believe I’m stuck next to you,” Arthur said. “This is going to be a nightmare.”

Merlin rolled his eyes. “I know the feeling.”

Arthur glared at him for a moment before ignoring him.

It was going to be a long year.

***

“Shove off, Merlin!” Arthur exclaimed, as Merlin tried again to help him with his math problem.

"I'm just trying to help you!"

"I never said I wanted your help, _Mer_ lin. I can do this on my own."

"Fine," Merlin muttered. "See if I care."

"Merlin and Arthur! Quiet down!" Miss Nimueh called out.

"Merlin started it," Arthur mumbled.

Merlin shoved him with his elbow. "I did not!"

"Boys!"

"Sorry Miss Nimueh," they said in unison.

It had been like this every day since the two of them were seated together: Merlin, begrudgingly, trying to get along with Arthur, while Arthur went back and forth between ignoring him and berating him, although sometimes...sometimes Arthur wasn’t as awful as he appeared. Like when his mum forgot to pack him a lunch, Arthur declared that his sandwich was “utterly revolting” and passed it off to Merlin after his stomach kept growling. Or when it was nearing Christmas and Merlin missed his father, Arthur did try to awkwardly cheer him up, if punching him in the shoulder and saying “cheer up, will you?” counted.

Nevertheless, Merlin still prided himself on not backing down when it came to Arthur. He wasn't about to let the other boy walk all over him.

For the rest of the class period, he steadfastly ignored Arthur, tired of getting into trouble.

As soon as the last bell rang signaling the end of the day, Merlin sighed in relief for the weekend. He couldn’t wait to get out of class and hurriedly began packing up his things, heading for the door.

Of course, his euphoric feeling was quickly shattered when Arthur pushed his way past him, nearly knocking him over. At this point, Merlin was almost certain Arthur was knocking into him on purpose.

“Prat,” Merlin muttered, as he watched Arthur walk quickly out of the room.

“Don’t let him get you down,” Merlin heard Will say as he walked up to him, throwing his arm around Merlin’s shoulders. “He’s not worth it.”

“I know,” Merlin replied, eyes trailing after Arthur. “It’s just...do you think he has any friends?”

Will rolled his eyes. “You mean aside from the ones who enjoy shoving us into the dirt?”

“You know what I mean.”

Will pulled Merlin along as they walked out of school, heading towards Will’s house like they usually did until Merlin’s mum came and got him after work. “I do, and I think you’re being ridiculous. You shouldn’t care so much about him, Merlin. He’s a bully. You know that, I know that.”

Of course he knew that, but it didn’t stop Merlin from thinking that maybe, just maybe, there was something more to Arthur.

“Okay, we need to stop talking about _him_ , and start talking about how I’m gonna whoop your sorry arse at this new game I got…”

Merlin let Will’s voice wash over him as out of the corner of his eye he saw Arthur sitting against a tree near the edge of the school property, hunched over.

“Will,” Merlin interrupted him. “You go on without me. I’ll catch up with you in a minute.”

His eyes strayed over to Arthur again, and this time Will noticed, groaning. “It’s like you don’t listen when I talk, mate. But whatever, it’s your funeral.” He moved his hands as if to say, _go on_. “I’ll try and save some sweets for you, but I can’t promise anything.”

“Thanks, Will.” Merlin smiled.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m the best. If you’re not over soon, I’m coming to get you.”

Merlin nodded at Will and turned back towards Arthur.

As Merlin got closer to Arthur, Merlin could hear soft sniffles emanating from him.

Merlin coughed quietly. “Um, Arthur? Are you okay?”

Arthur looked up and Merlin could see his red eyes and tear-stained cheeks. He promptly groaned upon seeing Merlin.

“Go away, Merlin,” he said, turning his face away from Merlin and wiping his cheeks.

Merlin bit his lip, rocking on his heels, before deciding to sit down next to Arthur. “Honestly, what’s wrong? You can tell me.”

Arthur huffed. “Why should I believe that you won’t tell anyone you saw me...like this? How can I trust you?”

“I know I haven't given you much of a reason to,” Merlin admitted, "but you’re just going to have to believe me. I promise I won’t tell anyone though. I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

“Right.” Arthur sniffed. “You’re something else, Merlin.”

Merlin rolled his eyes, nudging Arthur to talk.

Arthur seemingly took it for the sign that it was and said, sighing, “Okay, you know about my dad, right?”

Merlin nodded. Everyone knew about Uther Pendragon and his influence in the House of Commons. The Pendragons were as close to actual royalty as you could get.

“It’s just...sometimes…” Arthur drew a shaky breath. “He always puts business first, with everything. And today he was supposed to pick me up—he promised he would—but clearly he forgot, again. And...it’s stupid, but he always does this, and I wish it didn’t get to me, but it does.”

“Arthur…”

“God, Merlin, he has purposefully ignored my birthday before, twice even! What kind of father does that? I try to do good, you know, but sometimes it’s all too much.”

Merlin wrapped his arm around Arthur’s shoulders, tugging him in close.

“I never knew my father, you know,” Merlin said, holding onto Arthur. “He left me and mum a few years ago. Just up and left without warning. Mum tries to pretend it didn’t affect her and keeps a strong front up for me, but it’s awful some days realizing that he’s never coming back.

“It’ll be all right, Arthur, I promise you that. You can get through this.”

“We’ll see,” Arthur replied, shrugging. “But thanks. And I’m sorry about your father, that’s awful. But I’ve seen you with your mum, and she seems great.”

“She really is, honestly. A little embarrassing, but you know.”

Arthur smiled, laughing a little.

“So, how are you getting home?” Merlin asked. “Do you need to call someone? I’m sure you could come to Will’s with me if you wanted…”

“No, my uncle is on his way—”

A shout of “Merlin!” interrupted Arthur. They both looked over to see Will heading their way.

“Ah, I guess I have to go,” Merlin said, pulling away from Arthur.

“Merlin!” they heard Will call out again, waving at Merlin as he walked closer.

“Just...if you ever want to hang out or whatever...that’d be cool with me,” Merlin said, getting to his feet.

Arthur smiled. “Thanks, Merlin.”

Merlin gave him a smile in return, waving goodbye. Maybe this was the start of something.

***

The following day, and days and weeks that succeeded it, seemed as though everything had changed. Arthur smiled at Merlin when he sat down next to him in class and talked to him throughout the day.

Merlin felt like he was floating from the happiness.

Slowly but surely, he and Arthur were becoming the best of friends. To the point that even Will got along with him. And, okay, maybe Will and Arthur didn’t always like each other, but Merlin took what he could get with the two of them.

And something else was starting to happen. No longer were they Merlin and Arthur separately, but rather _MerlinandArthur_ together. Merlin wasn’t sure exactly when it started, but he couldn’t find it in himself to be too bothered by it.

“Merlin and Arthur!” Miss Nimueh would say sternly, when the two of them couldn’t stop laughing at line in a book they were all supposed to be silently reading.

“Merlin and Arthur!” Hunith, Merlin’s mum, would call out to them, exasperated at their antics before dinner.

“Merlin and Arthur!” Will would say to anyone who asked who his best friends were.

And so the beginnings of _MerlinandArthur_ had just begun.

___________

I. BEST FRIENDS MEANS

Arthur liked a girl—Sophia Sidhe, to be specific—and it was absolutely terrible.

Merlin had known that this would happen one day, that the two of them would each find someone special, but he didn’t think it would be this soon. This soon that he would get tossed aside for some girl. It was ridiculous.

And honestly, Merlin was getting tired of the evil looks Sophia shot him every time he came near the two of them, and the constant disdain in her voice whenever she said his name.

Arthur was his best friend; was he supposed to just stop talking to him? It wasn’t his fault that Arthur sought him out sometimes when he was technically supposed to be hanging out with Sophia and doing whatever it was that they did. Merlin didn’t really want to know.

Who knew things could be so dramatic at age thirteen. Merlin was over it already. He could just hear Will nagging at him to let it go. Whatever, he totally could. Sophia wasn’t a problem. He just had to keep telling himself that.

Merlin was on his way over to Arthur’s for the weekend. He was almost jittery with excitement as it had been awhile since either of them had stayed over.

“Don’t be afraid to ring me if you need to love,” Hunith said as she pulled into the Pendragons’ driveway.

“I’ll be fine, Mum,” Merlin said, grabbing his stuff, before opening the door of the car.

“I know, I know, but just remember.” She gave Merlin a soft smile. “I’ll be back on Sunday to get you. Be good for Uther.”

“I always am.”

“Love you, Merlin,” she said, giving him a wave.

“Love you too,” he said back, smiling as he closed the door and tossed a wave behind him.

He shouldered his bag and made his way up the driveway to the front door, knocking on it a few times.

“Merlin,” Uther said, eyes narrowing at him. Ever since Arthur had first introduced him to his father, Uther had always looked at Merlin with suspicion. Like he couldn’t believe his son would deign to be in the presence of someone like him.

“Hi, Mr. Pendragon,” Merlin said, giving him a smile.

Uther hummed at him in reply. “Here for the weekend?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Very well. Arthur! Your friend is here!” Uther called out, letting Merlin fully into the house. “He’s upstairs in his room. I’ll be in my study if any of you need something.”

Merlin nodded his thanks. He made his way towards Arthur’s room and was about to step onto the stairs when a voice from behind him made him stop.

“You’re here again, Merlin,” Sophia said, walking towards him.

“Oh, Sophia, I didn’t know you were here,” Merlin said, surprised.

She rolled her eyes. “I’m sure.”

“Right, um.” Merlin rubbed at the back of his neck, nervous. “Do you want me to leave? I didn’t mean to interrupt…”

“No, but I think it’s time we had a little chat.”

“Okay, erm, is Arthur coming down?” Merlin asked, feeling nervous. It would be just his luck that Arthur hadn’t heard his father yell for him.

“Obviously not, he’s still upstairs,” Sophia stated, with an eyebrow raised. “Now, let’s go sit shall we?”

Merlin could do nothing but follow, feeling apprehensive. He took a seat next to her on the sofa in the main room, watching as she looked at him intensely.

“Tell me, Merlin, how long have you and Arthur liked each other?” she asked.

Merlin felt his stomach drop. “I—” He coughed. “I’m not sure what you mean?”

“I’m asking how long you’ve wanted to be boyfriends, Merlin.”

“Um, I—what? Never." Merlin couldn't believe this was happening.

Sophia laughed sharply. “Don’t try and play me. I wouldn't be surprised if you two were secretly dating behind my back.”

“We're not,” Merlin said, feeling awkward. Why would she think that they wanted to be together? Or that there was even a chance that they _were_ dating. Merlin didn’t even like guys and neither did Arthur. Was it because they spent so much time together? They were best mates! It wasn’t weird. At least he didn’t think it was weird...

“What makes you think there's something going on?”

“Ha, where to begin.”

“Listen, Sophia,” Merlin continued. “Nothing is happening between us. I don’t know what lead you to believe there is, but it’s not true. He’s with you!”

“I know that.” She looked at him pointedly. “But, for starters, you’re always together,” she began, keeping tally with her fingers. “Always. Even when it’s supposed to just be me and Arthur. Secondly, there’s all the _touching_. Seriously, if your arms aren’t around each other’s shoulders at some point during the day, I would be shocked. And you’re literally all he talks about. I’m positive that he could rattle off a thousand things that you like, but he wouldn't even be able to name my favourite color.”

“I—I don’t know what you want me to say.” Merlin felt as if he was cornered.

“I just want you to be honest with me.”

“I am! We’re best friends, that’s all. Nothing more.”

“Well, sometimes it doesn’t feel that way,” Sophia admitted, some of the fight seemingly leaving her. “I just don’t want to be messed around with. If there’s something going on, I want to know. If he doesn’t want to be with me, he just has to say.”

“There’s nothing, I promise.” As much as Merlin didn’t necessarily like her, he could see her point.

She looked at him, evaluating him. “I believe you, Merlin,” she said eventually, with a sigh. “I know we’re thirteen, and I know with me and Arthur it’s not true love, but I like him.”

“And he likes you!” As much as it did pain him to admit. “But Arthur and I have been the best of friends for a few years now...and I think we forget that there are other people out there. I’m sorry I hurt you, and I know Arthur would be too if he realized.”

“I appreciate that,” Sophia replied. “From now on though, maybe let me in on the jokes?”

Merlin laughed, nodding. “Of course.”

“And, another bit of advice...don’t spend the rest of your life pining over each other. Figure it out, okay?”

Before Merlin could reply, Arthur came bursting into the room. “My two favorite people!” he called out, smiling, before squishing himself into the spot on the sofa next to Sophia.

Something heavy settled in Merlin’s stomach at the sight of him. He wasn’t pining over Arthur. Definitely not. There was no way. But, okay, maybe he was a little jealous. It wasn’t like Merlin was rolling in the friends department. It was him, Will, and Arthur. A trio.

And it wasn’t like he was in love with Will, because, no, just no. So who cared if he and Arthur were closer than the average friends.

It didn’t mean anything. It couldn’t.

___________

II. A REALIZATION & COMING OUT

“Merlin, what is wrong with you lately?” Arthur asked. They had just got done with gym class and were in the middle of changing. Merlin had dressed as quick as he possibly could, feeling self-conscious.

“Nothing,” Merlin said through a forced smile, eyes focused on Arthur’s face. He could feel the beginnings of a blush rising on his cheeks, which seemed to happen whenever Arthur had his shirt off lately.

It had been like this for a little while now, this tension and uneasiness when faced with Arthur. Merlin wasn’t sure exactly when he started thinking about his best friend in a more than friendly light, but it happened. At first, Merlin felt as though he was simply overreacting, that things were happening and he was merely placing his feelings onto Arthur. That maybe he just hadn’t found the right girl yet. So when he started dating Freya, and kissing her was not as life-altering as he was hoping it would be, he wasn’t sure what to think.

And then along came Gwaine. He had met him one day when he and Will were out and about and Merlin had bumped into him, quite literally, spilling the drink that he had been carrying.

Gwaine had apologized profusely, smiling at him in such a charming way that Merlin felt as if he was going to burst from the way his heart was racing. And when he had asked if he could buy Merlin another drink to replace the one that was now drying into his clothes, he’d said yes.

Will had quickly disappeared, giving Merlin a look as if to question if he knew what he was doing. And Merlin walked in step with Gwaine to a small coffee shop.

Gwaine was handsome, and Merlin couldn’t help but be struck by it.

They developed a quick friendship from there, Merlin learning that Gwaine went to the school a couple of towns away, that he was a bit mischievous, and that he was pansexual (which he told Merlin with a wink).

Merlin let the information sink in, feeling at times both nauseous over what it might mean and a sensation that _this_ , liking guys, was right.

When he finally worked up the courage, growing tired of dodging Arthur’s questions of “are you seeing someone? What aren’t you telling me?”—and really, Arthur didn’t need to know everything about him—Merlin told Gwaine that he liked him, more than anyone. They kissed and fooled around, with Merlin feeling more and more convinced that this part of his life made sense.

That was until Gwaine looked at him knowingly one day, when Merlin had finished ranting about how Arthur “couldn’t find his stupid sweater, the one he claims isn’t his favourite, because ‘having favourite clothes is dumb, Merlin, especially since you bought it for me,’ which, first of all…”

“You like him, don’t you,” Gwaine had said, cutting off Merlin with a sad smile on his face. “He means a lot to you.”

“He’s my best friend, of course he does,” Merlin replied, confused at what had prompted Gwaine.

“You know what I mean, Merlin.” Gwaine untangled their hands from one another. “It’s okay.”

Merlin was hit with a strong sense of deja vu.

“If he for a second looked at you, felt the same way about you, you would leave me in a heartbeat.” Merlin started to interrupt him, but Gwaine held up his hand to stop him. “It’s okay, Merlin, I understand. I mean, I don’t want to because you’re _you_ , but I can’t and won’t play second fiddle to him anymore. He doesn’t even know we’re dating—erm, dated—and he still takes up such a big part of you.”

“I’m sorry,” Merlin had whispered, broken. “He’s your friend too, you know. As much as he goes on…” He wasn’t ready for Arthur to know he liked guys, if he did, then he’d figure out— _oh_.

“I know,” Gwaine whispered back. “I just want the best for both of you.”

Merlin had smiled back, nodding, and thinking about how he didn’t deserve someone like Gwaine. “I want that for you, too.”

“I know, mate,” Gwaine responded, nodding back. “You won’t get rid of me that easy.”

From then on, he couldn’t try and dispel his feelings anymore. He liked Arthur. _Like that_. Try as he might to avoid the feeling, he just couldn’t pretend anymore. Gwaine was the last straw.

Man, where was Sophia now with her “gotcha” moment. 

Oh god, here he was, sixteen and in love with his best friend. Did everyone know? Merlin felt as though it was written plain on his face. Like he had _Merlin Emrys loves Arthur Pendragon_ stamped on his forehead.

“Seriously, Merlin, I know you,” Arthur pressed, bring Merlin back to the present. “Something’s up. Your head has been in the clouds for days now.”

When Merlin said nothing he continued, “Is it Gwaine? Have you taken to his obnoxious flirting?”

Merlin sighed, pressing his palms on his eyes, rubbing them. It was now or never.

“Arthur, Gwaine and I—he’s my boyfriend, or was...”

He looked up at Arthur’s gobsmacked face. If Merlin looked up a little sooner he might have seen the flash of jealousy cross Arthur’s face.

“What?” Arthur asked, plopping himself down next to Merlin on the bench. Merlin really wished they weren’t about to have this conversation in a locker room of all places. “How come you never told me?”

Merlin shrugged. “I never found the right moment to, I guess.”

“That’s such shit, Merlin. You should have told me.” Arthur shook his head. “It doesn’t bother me, you know, that you like guys. I wish you would have told me.”

“I don’t know, I just... couldn’t,” Merlin said, with a sigh. “We broke up, anyways.”

Arthur deflated a little, and Merlin shot a curious look over at him. “Do you need me to beat him up?” Arthur asked, an eyebrow raised.

“Like you could beat up Gwaine.”

“Excuse me, _Mer_ lin, I’ll have you know I absolutely could. Without breaking a sweat, even.”

Merlin snorted, laughing a little. “That’s optimistic.”

“I’ll give you optimistic,” Arthur said, grinning, before putting Merlin in a headlock and ruffling up his hair.

“Stop, stop, Arthur!” Merlin laughed as Arthur let go. The two of them sat there smiling widely at each other.

“There, now that’s better,” Arthur said, standing up. “Next time, tell me something this important okay? We’re best friends, Merlin. That means we tell each other this kind of stuff.”

“I promise,” Merlin said, taking Arthur’s offered hand, and heaving himself off the bench.

Merlin felt lighter than he had in awhile.

“Now, let’s say we go scope you out a guy who’s way better than Gwaine, someone you deserve. You know one of us needs to have a decent love life…”

But Merlin couldn’t find the will to tell Arthur that that guy was right there, standing next to him, and instead he let himself be pulled away, out into the hall, debating whether or not he should let Arthur and Will set him up.

Maybe everything would be okay.

___________

III. WHAT HAPPENS IN UNI STAYS IN UNI

Merlin walked into the flat he shared with Arthur, positively beaming.

“Arthur, you here?” he called out, tossing his backpack down next to the sofa.

“What, Merlin?” Arthur asked, as he came out of his bedroom, his glasses perched on his nose.

Merlin winced for a moment. He had forgotten that Arthur was working on a major paper. Had been all week.

Arthur gave him a look as if to say, _get on with it_.

“Guess who I ran into?”

Arthur rolled his eyes. “I have no idea, just tell me.”

“Gwaine.” Merlin grinned. “Can you believe it? He goes to Avalon University now.” He hadn’t seen Gwaine in person since he graduated, and as he was now almost finished with university it had been awhile. Seeing him again had made Merlin realize just how much he’d missed having Gwaine in his life.

“Does he? How fantastic.”

“And I might have invited him over in a bit…you know, to catch up.”

Arthur sighed. “Of course you did. You know, you’re lucky I just finished my paper. Gwaine’s shenanigans would have been the last thing I’d have wanted to deal with while I was trying to focus.” 

“You finished it? Brilliant! I knew you’d get it done soon!” Merlin exclaimed, clapping Arthur on the shoulder as he walked past him.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m incredible,” Arthur said. “Tell me something I don’t know.”

“That you’re an incredible prat, how about _that_.”

“How original.”

“Shush you,” Merlin responded, just as the doorbell rang.

Arthur looked at Merlin before simply walking into the kitchen, mumbling “I need tea for this” and left Merlin to get the door.

“Gwaine!” Merlin said, grinning, opening the door wide and ushering Gwaine and the man standing next to him in.

“Mate, it’s good to see you.” Gwaine pulled him into a tight hug. “Now, I’d like to introduce you to Leon—my better half, clearly.”

Merlin smiled politely, grasping Leon’s hand in a firm handshake. “It’s nice to meet you. I commend you for putting up with this one,” Merlin said, nodding towards Gwaine.

Gwaine let out an indignant snort at that.

“It's nice to meet you too, Merlin, I’ve heard a lot about you,” Leon said. “I do the best I can with him, you know how he is. Always taking a minute to primp in front of any mirror he can find," he joked. "For real though, I can only imagine what this one was like when he was younger.”

"Honestly, the disrespect I am feeling right now," Gwaine interjected.

Merlin laughed. “Well, let me tell you, there was this one time when the two of us and our friend Will went to this concert.” Merlin couldn’t stop a giggle from rising up. “And Gwaine was so drunk that he starting hitting on this old—” 

Gwaine quickly slapped a hand over Merlin’s mouth. “He doesn’t need to know about that dark time.”

"No, please, Merlin, do go on," Leon said, laughing.

"Oh hush, you," Gwaine said, leaning into Leon. "If you'd rather we can talk about how you tripped over yourself when we first met."

"You'll never let this go will you," Leon complained, shaking his head with a smile.

"How can I?" Gwaine snickered. "Honestly Merlin, it reminded me of you and Arthur, who I am assuming is the lug making all that noise in the kitchen."

"Give me a break," Merlin said, rolling his eyes in good nature. "And, yes, it is."

"What? It did," Gwaine insisted. "But, anyway, there I was sitting down, enjoying my pint at the pub, and all of a sudden out of the corner of my eye I see this gorgeous man walking towards me, all determined like." Gwaine laughed for a moment as Leon groaned. "So I'm waiting for him to get closer and just as he was about to reach my table...he tripped. Over nothing, mind you, and fell right into my lap. It was like fate."

Merlin smiled at that.

“Hmm, but is it fate or a curse, huh,” Arthur said, walking into the room. "To be stuck being friends with you."

“I see you haven’t changed a bit, have you princess?” Gwaine commented as he moved to give Arthur a hug that he returned begrudgingly.

“Hi there, I’m Arthur,” Arthur said, sticking his hand out towards Leon.

“Leon.”

“Now that all the formal introductions are done...boys what have you been up to?” Gwaine asked as Merlin ushered everyone to sit down in the main room. “Still attached at the hip, I see.”

Merlin shot Gwaine a look. “Ha bloody ha, nothing too exciting from me. Just swamped with papers lately.”

Arthur elbowed him from his seat next to him. When Merlin just looked at him oddly, Arthur said, exasperated, “Merlin got an internship under Gauis Wilson at the Camelot Hospital. He’s getting a head start on his hours requirement.”

“That’s fantastic, mate!” Gwaine cheered, and Leon nodded in agreement.

Merlin felt himself flush with the praise. “Yeah, it’s all right.”

“Yeah, it’s all right,” he heard Arthur mock him under his breath. “You daft sod, just accept that we’re proud of you, Merlin,” he said, louder.

“I will,” Merlin said, sticking out his tongue at him. “Now, would anyone like a spot of tea?”

There was a chorus of “yes, please” as Merlin got up and made his way to the kitchen.

As he was putting the kettle on to make some more tea, since Arthur had snagged the last of it, he heard someone follow him in.

He looked up and saw Gwaine grinning at him like a loon.

“What?” Merlin asked, bewildered as to what would garner that kind of reaction.

“ _Merlin_ ,” Gwaine said, before he wrapped him up in a tight hug, refusing to let go. Merlin wearily hugged him back. “I’m so happy for you. You’ve finally listened to me.”

“Erm, mate, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“You and Arthur.” Gwaine squeezed him tighter.

Merlin let his head thunk onto Gwaine’s shoulder. “We’re not together, Gwaine.”

“What?” Gwaine pulled back to look at him incredulously. “But—I—you live together for christ’s sake!”

“Ahem.” They heard someone cough from the doorway.

They both turned to see Arthur standing there with a raised eyebrow and an irritated look on his face.

Merlin quickly let go of Gwaine, feeling as though he’d been caught doing something he shouldn’t.

“That boy is jealous,” Gwaine muttered under his breath to Merlin. “Well then, just let me know when the tea’s ready.” He clasped Merlin on the shoulder and took his leave.

“Really Merlin, you’re going to go down this road again?” Arthur asked.

“Why would you care if I was, huh?”

“I don’t,” Arthur insisted. “I just think you can do better, that’s all.”

Merlin huffed. “Yeah, and who might that be?”

Arthur opened his mouth to say something, but promptly shut it.

“It doesn’t matter anyway. You do realize that Gwaine and Leon are dating, right?” Merlin asked. “Did you not work that out, or...?”

“Oh,” Arthur replied, surprised, looking a little sheepish. "I mean...I knew that."

Merlin couldn’t hold back a snort at that. “Yeah, so maybe be less of a prat to both of them, okay?”

“I’ll have you know that I am never a prat.”

“Oh wow, okay, if that’s what helps you sleep at night.”

Arthur laughed at that. “I’ll try and tone it down, I was just jea—” He cut himself off.

Merlin patted him on the arm, his heart racing just slightly. “It’s all right. Now, make yourself useful and help me with this tea.”

“Yes, your highness.”

The two of them smiled brightly at each other, and Merlin for a moment thought that maybe his feelings for Arthur weren’t so one-sided after all.

___________

IV. REAL WORD PROBLEMS

“Merlin, dear, I love you, but my god do you need to get laid,” his friend, Elena, proclaimed for approximately the tenth time in the span of a few hours. From the moment he had met Elena working at the hospital, they had been as thick as thieves. Some days, like today, Merlin almost wished they weren’t, if only to cut down on the comments on his nonexistent love life.

He, Elena, and Will were all cozied up in a small, quaint coffee shop, waiting for Arthur to arrive. With the holidays approaching, they were planning to split up in groups and get a little shopping done before having dinner together.

Merlin was regretting agreeing to come along more and more as the reminders about his lack of love life kept being brought up. It had been so long at this point since he had a boyfriend, or god, even a hookup, that Merlin didn’t like to think about it, thank you very much.

“Yeah, Merlin, it’s getting really sad. Does it even work anymore?” Will questioned.

Merlin rolled his eyes. “Fuck off, Will.”

Elena laughed quietly. “Honestly, you need to tell Arthur. You don’t even have the excuse of believing he’s straight, because you know he’s bisexual. So...really, love, get your shit together.”

“Ta, babe,” Merlin replied. And boy what a revelation that had been. Good lord, the day Arthur had blurted that out to Merlin, apologizing for not telling him sooner because he had been too nervous, was a day he wasn’t likely to forget.

“Tell him, tell him, tell him,” Elena and Will started to chant.

“Oi, knock it off, will you?” Merlin said exasperated.

The two of them cackled, and Merlin wished he could vanish on the spot.

“Do I even want to know what I just missed?” Arthur asked, looking at the three of them questioningly, as he dropped into the seat next to Elena.

“It’s better if you don’t, mate,” Merlin responded. “Are we all ready to head out now?”

“Can’t a man rest for a minute?” Arthur complained.

“Not when you’re 15 minutes late, bud,” Merlin said.

Arthur rolled his eyes.

“Okay, team, we’ll meet back at Arthur and I’s flat in three hours, all right?” Merlin looked at each of them for approval. They all nodded back at him.

“Hands in and go team on three?” Arthur joked. Everyone looked at him, nonplussed.

“You’re not funny, Arthur, sorry,” Will said, patting him on the shoulder.

“Have fun you two,” Elena said, waving at Merlin and Arthur. “Find me something nice, won’t you?”

“Don’t we always?” Arthur asked.

“Of course, so you’d better keep up the tradition!” she called out, smiling widely.

“We will,” Merlin said. “Don’t let Will distract you!”

“I could say the same for you! Bye!”

Arthur looked puzzled for a moment. “She is something else, isn’t she?”

“She’s something. Now let’s go,” Merlin prodded, gripping Arthur by the elbow to move him along.

It was going to be a long day. Merlin could tell already.

***

“Well, aren’t you two still just the cutest couple?” a voice said from behind Merlin and Arthur.

They were at the CobbleStone bookshop looking over some titles to fill Hunith’s ever growing library, and debating rather loudly the merits of a few of them.

The two of them turned to see Alice Collins, the elderly woman who owned the shop, standing behind them.

“Alice, you know—” Merlin began to say, before Arthur quickly elbowed him in the side.

“Oh Alice, you are too sweet, you know?” Arthur said, wrapping his arm around Merlin.

“Not as sweet as you are, young man,” she said, tapping her finger to her nose. “Now, wait here for a moment, I have just the thing for the two of you.”

“Are you seriously doing this right now?” Merlin questioned, muttering under his breath as Alice walked away.

“Shush, look how happy she is.”

“You just want her to be bringing us her homemade cookies.”

“I’m a growing boy, Merlin.”

Merlin merely hummed in response, ignoring Arthur’s glare.

“Here you are,” Alice said, brandishing a tin. “My famous chocolate chip cookies. I made sure to save my two favorite customers a batch.”

“Thanks, Alice,” Merlin and Arthur chorused.

“It's not a problem my dears. Be sure to come and find me at the till when you find something,” Alice said, retreating.

Merlin gave Arthur a look as soon as Alice was far enough away.

“Every time, Arthur, every time.” Seriously, every time they stopped there, Merlin tried to tell Alice the truth, that he and Arthur weren't together, but Arthur soldiered on as if it was real.

“What? You want me to break that poor woman’s heart. Who cares if she thinks we’re together or not? Our happiness clearly makes her happy. Why does it matter?” Arthur asked, grabbing himself a cookie.

“It’s not just Alice, Arthur, and you know it.”

And it wasn’t. It was a thing that was happening increasingly more often, much to Merlin’s horror. When Merlin and Arthur went out to wherever—honestly, a shop, to get groceries, anything—it was likely that someone would assume they were together, often taking a moment to tell them how “darling” they were. It was both pleasing and heartbreaking when Arthur always went along with it. He claimed that it was “just a bit of fun. Isn’t it funny how it happens all the time?”

Yeah, it was a laugh riot.

There was one memorable time when the two of them were out shopping with Hunith and they stopped at the CobbleStone, only for both Merlin and Arthur to forget momentarily about Alice. And, of course, it was this time that Alice cornered them as soon as they got through the door.

“Merlin and Arthur! My favorite couple!” she had exclaimed.

“Arthur…” Merlin warned.

“ _Mer_ lin.”

“How are the two of you? As in love as ever?” Alice asked.

Arthur moved to slide his arm around Merlin’s waist. “You know us so well, Alice.”

He squeezed Merlin’s side. “Yeah, you really do,” Merlin added.

Alice beamed back at them. “And who is this?” she asked as Hunith walked back over towards them, glancing over at Merlin and Arthur oddly.

“Alice, meet my mother, Hunith. Mum, Alice owns this shop,” Merlin said.

“Oh, it’s such a pleasure to meet you!” Alice said, shaking Hunith’s hand with a warm smile.

“You as well,” Hunith replied. “I must thank you for this wonderful shop. The boys always seem to find me gems.”

“I am delighted to hear that, dear. Now, you have to give me the scoop. I’ve tried to get it out of the boys plenty of times, but they just won’t indulge an old woman. How did they get together? They are just perfect.”

If Merlin didn’t suddenly feel as though his heart had dropped through his stomach, the look of absolute shock on Hunith’s face would have been hysterical.

“Merlin and Arthur?” Hunith asked, after several attempts to say something.

“Yes, of course,” Alice said, seeming slightly confused.

Hunith eyes trained back on Arthur’s arm around Merlin’s waist. “Oh well, it was a long time coming, I suppose.”

“I bet it was, I bet it was,” Alice said as there was a quiet, “excuse me?” that came from behind them.

“I’ll be just a moment,” Alice said to the customer before turning back towards them. “It was lovely to meet you Hunith, please feel free to stop in whenever. Until next time boys.” She hugged the two of them before giving them a wave and heading over to help the customer.

Hunith gave them a questioning look.

“It’s not what it seems,” Merlin said, stepping out of Arthur’s grasp.

“Hunith…” Arthur said.

She waved her hand at them, looking at them knowingly, as they left the store. “You know, it wouldn’t be so bad if you two were together…” Hunith said.

“Mother, please don’t start,” Merlin said with a groan.

She merely raised an eyebrow at the two of them, smirking.

Arthur bumped Merlin with his hip, throwing his arm around his shoulders and reeling him in.

“Stranger things could happen,” Arthur said.

And boy if Merlin still couldn’t get that moment out of his mind. Along with all the other moments that had passed between them. He couldn’t stop his heart from racing every time, as much as he tried to not let it.

He shook his head, trying to bring himself back to the present.

“I think Hunith will love these,” Arthur said, shaking two books at Merlin. “You all right?”

“Of course.” Merlin nodded.

“Right,” Arthur replied, not seeming to believe him. “Let’s go and see if maybe Alice can swing us a cup of hot chocolate before we leave.”

“You’re diabolical.”

“You love it.”

Oh god, he really did.

___________

V. THE CHRISTMAS WORK PARTY

"Arthur, I'm not going to pretend to be your boyfriend," Merlin said, exasperated. "It's just your Christmas work party, I don't think they'll care if you show up alone."

"Merlin, please, god, I am not above begging you right now."

"How are you always so dramatic?"

Arthur rolled his eyes. "Honestly, you'll be saving my life if you do this—"

"Dramatic, again."

"—I'm serious! Remember that girl, Vivian, the one I've told you about," Arthur pressed. Merlin nodded and gestured for Arthur to continue. She had been vying for Arthur’s attention for awhile, much to Merlin and Arthur’s annoyance. "Well, let's just say that she is...awfully persistent, and I might have told her that I have a boyfriend."

"Of course, you did." Merlin laughed. "And that didn't dissuade her?"

"Only in my dreams."

"Right," Merlin replied, rubbing his hands against his face. "And there's no one else that you can convince to help you?" Merlin could only hope that there was.

"Well, I mean...I talk about you enough that it would be believable, and I'm pretty sure they all think we are together anyways."

"You talk about me that much?" Merlin asked, he felt a blush rise on his face. Stupid Arthur.

“Uh yeah, I guess so?” Arthur said, biting his lip. “It’s just...you’re my best friend, of course I talk about you, you doofus.”

“I see, well I never talk about you to any of my work friends, just so you know,” Merlin said, fighting back a smile. He was a lying liar who lies. All of his work friends knew about Arthur, _and_ the hopeless crush he had on him.

“All right, I suppose I wouldn’t want them to realize that you are, in fact, single and utterly alone, so...you’ve got yourself a boyfriend. Well, a pretend one, that is.”

Arthur’s face lit up with a smile. “Brilliant.”

Merlin was so screwed.

***

This was without a doubt the worst possible favour that Arthur could have ever asked of Merlin. It was bad enough that so many people simply assumed they were dating to begin with, but this, to actively pretend for a little while? To have Arthur be his, but not really? It was going to hurt.

Arthur owed him. Big time.

“Thanks again, Merlin, you honestly don’t understand how much of a life saver you are,” Arthur said as he walked into the kitchen, coming over to Merlin and promptly kissing his cheek and giving Merlin’s hand a squeeze.

That was new.

Merlin fought the urge to blush and simply leveled a look at Arthur.

“What?” Arthur asked, with what seemed to be a slight blush on his cheeks as well.

“I know we’re affectionate, but not _that_ affectionate.”

“It’s practice, obviously.”

Merlin couldn’t hold back a snort. “Practice.”

“You heard me,” Arthur insisted. “This way I figure if I hold your hand now, you won’t get all freaked out later.”

“Yes, because that is what would send me over the edge. Also, you didn’t just do that, you kissed me. On the cheek.”

“ _Mer_ lin.” Arthur pinched the bridge of his nose. “Why are you being like this?”

“I’m sorry, okay! It’s just—”

“The thought of being with me weirds you out,” Arthur interrupted.

“—I, what? No, why would you think that?”

“Because you’re being weird now, that’s why _Mer_ lin!”

“Oh for god’s sake, Arthur, relax,” Merlin huffed.

“I can’t! We have to pull this off,” Arthur said.

“I understand, Arthur, I promise.”

Arthur sighed, rubbing at his eyes. “ _I’m_ being weird now aren’t I? Just tell me, Merlin.”

“No, no…” Merlin replied, contemplating. “You’re right.”

“Excuse me? Would you care to repeat that?”

“Oh, hush,” Merlin tutted. “Now, listen… _kiss me_.”

“What?” Arthur asked, looking gobsmacked.

“You want this to look real, then kiss me,” Merlin said. _Put me out of my misery_. “Since you’re all for practice.”

“Fine then, I will.”

“Good,” Merlin said, feeling as though his heart was going to beat out of his chest. This was such a bad idea.

“Good,” Arthur echoed, taking a step closer to him.

Merlin couldn’t help but match Arthur’s step. He licked his lips in anticipation and watched Arthur’s eyes track the movement. Oh god, this was really going to happen.

Arthur leaned in. His lips softly pressed up against Merlin’s in a chaste kiss, just enough for Merlin to get a taste of his lips, before they each moved closer, losing themselves in the kiss.

Merlin pulled away after a few moments, resting his head against Arthur’s forehead before moving back slightly.

“Well, I’d say that was pretty adequate.”

Arthur barked out a laugh. “God, you really are something else, Merlin.” And with that, the tension between them seemed to break. Arthur grabbed Merlin around the shoulders and all but dragged him out of the kitchen. “You won’t regret this, mate.”

If only it were that easy.

***

The day of the party came quicker than Merlin had anticipated. Arthur hadn’t given up on his so-called causal touches, but they hadn’t kissed since that day in the kitchen. Merlin wasn’t sure if he was thankful for that or not.

He was nervous as all get out as he got dressed for the party. He was anxious about Arthur realizing that Merlin _actually_ wanted to date him, and that people would figure out that they weren’t really dating...and just...everything was mess.

Merlin knew that he should just come out and tell Arthur how he felt about him, but he couldn’t...he just couldn’t, as silly as it sounded.

He was jolted out of his daze as there was a knock at the door.

“Come in, Arthur.”

“You ready, pal?” Arthur asked. He stopped for a moment looking at Merlin intensely before shaking himself. “You look fantastic.”

“Oh, thanks,” Merlin said, looking down at himself. He was dressed in a sensible maroon button down and his favorite black dress slacks. Now Arthur on the other hand...the royal blue dress shirt and black slacks were working for him. “You do, too.”

Arthur beamed at him. “Let’s head out, then.”

Merlin nodded, following Arthur out.

He could do this.

***

They arrived at the party quickly, and god, Merlin’s palms were sweaty. He tried to discreetly wipe them on his pants, but he was pretty sure that Arthur noticed.

“Oh, leave me alone,” Merlin muttered, as the two of them walked towards the Camelot Hotel. The party was going to be in the banquet hall area, and Merlin felt as if he was walking to his death. 

Okay, maybe Arthur wasn't the only one who was a touch dramatic.

“It’ll be fine, Merlin. How many times do I have to promise you that?”

“Until it sinks in, apparently,” Merlin replied, taking Arthur’s hand as they made it to the front entrance.

Arthur squeezed Merlin’s hand. “We got this.”

Merlin took a deep breath and squeezed Arthur’s hand back. “We got this.”

As they walked in, Merlin was in awe of all the Christmas decorations. There were multiple Christmas trees all decked out with tinsel and ornaments, fairy lights strung up everywhere, and surprisingly, it felt welcoming.

They really needed to step up their own decoration game.

“Arthur!” they heard a voice yell. “Over here!

Arthur grinned as he tugged Merlin along. “C’mon, you’ll like Percy.”

“Arthur! Good to see you, mate!” Percy said, standing up to clasp Arthur on the shoulder. “And you must be Merlin.”

“I am. It’s nice to meet you.”

“We’ve all heard a lot about you,” Percy said, gesturing for them to sit. “All good things, of course.”

Merlin snorted. “I’m sure.”

Arthur rolled his eyes. “This is Lance and Gwen,” he said, nodding at each of them.

“Merlin, I don’t know how you deal with Arthur some days,” Gwen said, eyes twinkling.

“Me neither.” Merlin grinned. “But somehow I manage.”

“Oh yes, because I’m such a burden.” Arthur pouted.

“But you’re mine,” Merlin said, leaning to press a kiss on Arthur’s cheeks. They both promptly turned red. Merlin was surprised by his own impulse. All this “practice” was getting to his head.

“You two are too cute,” Gwen said.

“The paragon of all cuteness,” Lance teased.

“The masters of all successful relationships,” Percy added. “But seriously, Merlin, he talks about you so much. It’s incredible.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, we get it,” Arthur said, embarrassed, nudging Merlin’s shoulder with his.

Merlin couldn’t help but smile, the butterflies going crazy in his stomach. God, he wanted this for real.

“Boys,” Gwen announced, “I think it’s time to dance.” She pulled Lance to the dance floor as the music began playing loudly.

Percy saluted the two of them, stating that he needed a drink before even attempting to dance, leaving Merlin and Arthur at the table alone.

“So far so good, huh?” Merlin said, tapping his fingers on the table, watching as Arthur stood up.

“Dance with me, Merlin, please,” Arthur said, holding out his hand.

Merlin heaved a sigh, taking a hold of it, and standing up. “If you insist. Don’t blame me when I step on your feet.”

“I would never,” Arthur said, holding a hand to his chest as if he was affronted.

“We’ll see.” Merlin laughed.

Arthur grinned, grabbing Merlin’s hand again as they walked to the dance floor.

“It’s just a dance, Merlin,” Arthur said, placing his hands on Merlin’s waist and moving to the beat.

Merlin moved with him, feeling Arthur brush up against him. He found himself looking anywhere but Arthur, until Arthur placed his forehead against his. He closed his eyes, taking in the moment.

“Thank you for doing this, Merlin,” Arthur said as the song ended. In its wake, a slow tune began.

“You’re welcome,” Merlin whispered, as Arthur pulled him in close.

“I’m pretty sure you can handle this one.”

Merlin laughed. “Swaying, I can do.”

“Ahem,” a voice coughed, interrupting them.

“Vivian,” Arthur said through gritted teeth. “Can I help you?”

“Obviously, you can dance with me, and not… _him_ ,” she said, waving her fingers at Merlin.

“It’s a hard no from me, thanks,” Arthur responded, glaring at her, “seeing as this is my boyfriend, Merlin.”

“Hello,” Merlin said.

Vivian looked at Merlin with disgust. “You can do better than this.”

“As a matter of fact, Vivian,” Arthur said, irritated, “Merlin is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. You need to get this through your small brain that I am in love with him and not you. _He’s my boyfriend_ , do you understand?”

She stood there looking shocked.

“Good, now please leave us alone.” Arthur turned away from her, ignoring her as she left, and pulled Merlin close to him again, continuing to sway to the beat.

Merlin felt as shocked as Vivian looked. Did—could Arthur actually love him? Merlin could feel his hands shaking. Surely Arthur could tell the effect he had on Merlin?

“Sorry ‘bout that,” Arthur said. “Hopefully she gets the hint this time.”

“Yeah, I think she did,” Merlin said faintly.

“What?” Arthur asked, a blush rising on his cheeks.

“Nothing,” Merlin shook his head, before resting his head on Arthur’s shoulders, trying to make his heart beat at a normal pace.

Everything felt perfect. Being here with Arthur, being in his arms, people thinking—believe they were together. If only it could last…

Merlin raised his head for a moment, staring into Arthur’s eyes.

He couldn’t stop his eyes from following Arthur’s tongue as he licked his lips.

“Can I?” Merlin whispered.

Arthur nodded his head ever so softly.

Merlin leaned in, gazing at Arthur, before pressing his lips against Arthur’s. It felt like fireworks. This was it for him; _Arthur_ was it for him, as Arthur pressed up against him a little harder.

They broke away after a moment. “Thanks...for this,” Merlin said. _For this, for what you said, for being my friend, for being in my life, everything. Did you mean what you said? Or was it just pretend?_

“Thank _you_ , Merlin,” Arthur said before resting his head against Merlin’s, holding tight as they swayed.

Merlin let himself sink into the moment. _I love you too, Arthur._

___________

+1 NEW YEAR, NEW BEGINNINGS

Merlin was pining. He was utterly and hopelessly pining over one Arthur Pendragon. It was even worse than all the other periods in his life when Arthur had taken over his every thought, because this time Merlin knew what it was like to have him, to be his, and god, he didn’t want to go through this ever again. It was much more awful being aware of his pining. He missed living in ignorance.

The work party had gone swimmingly once Vivian had decided to stay away. They mingled with Arthur’s work friends, convinced everyone they were together easily, and enjoyed themselves.

Well, as much as they could.

On the car ride home, Merlin almost told Arthur how he felt. How good it felt to be with him. It almost seemed as if Arthur was holding something back from him, too. It kept him from saying anything.

Merlin wasn’t sure what to make of Arthur’s quick glances and smiles.

Instead he sat in silence, humming along to the radio, and when they pulled up to the flat and Arthur kissed him softly on the cheek, it was all Merlin could do but simply sit back and touch where Arthur's lips had been as Arthur got out of the car.

They were hesitant around each other now. Like the last few days were too real, and neither of them knew how to handle it.

Merlin certainly couldn’t.

But when Arthur kissed him on the cheek in thanks for dinner a couple of nights after the party, immediately blushing a bright red and stammering a little when he realized what he had done; Merlin had felt a surge of hope, and decided that his New Year’s resolution would be to tell Arthur how he felt. No matter what.

***

Merlin and Arthur were making their way to Arthur’s sister, Morgana's, yearly New Year’s Eve party. A night which was sure to be full of Morgana's lavishness and good times had by all. If only Merlin wasn't so busy trying to not be succumbed by nerves he might be able to enjoy it more. He was already feeling like a complete wreck and they had only pulled up to her place.

All he had to do was tell Arthur how he felt. He had to. 

Morgana came up on the two of them as soon as they walked in the door.

“I hope you two are ready for all the excitement,” she said, drinks at the ready for each of them.

“Bless you,” Merlin said, taking a sip and hoping it would calm him a little.

“Thanks, Morgs,” Arthur said. “You’ve really outdone yourself.”

And she had. Her flat looked like a winter wonderland.

“Thanks, brother mine. I try,” she said. “Don’t forget what we talked about.” She gave a pointed look towards Arthur.

He rubbed the back of his neck. “I haven’t,” he said through gritted teeth.

She smirked at him in return. “Have fun you two.”

“That was weirder than usual,” Merlin commented as Morgana walked away.

“I wouldn’t worry about it,” Arthur said. “Let’s head further in, shall we?”

Merlin nodded, wondering what all that was about. But his thoughts quickly turned to when and how he was going to tell Arthur. He looked over at him for a moment, taking in the sight of him. Could he really be his?

Merlin kept going back and forth all night as the minutes and hours ticked away. Every time he felt as if he had worked up enough courage to say something, he didn't. At this point, Merlin was getting annoyed with himself. Especially when he realized that most of the night had passed with the time now quickly nearing midnight, and he still hadn't said something to Arthur.

"Merlin!" Arthur said, coming over to him and grabbing onto his arm. "Are you ready? I snagged us some wine to cheers with..." 

Merlin smiled at Arthur, taking the glass. He felt warm and content as Arthur sat next to him. Everyone was starting to anticipate the countdown. Just before it began, Merlin glanced over at Arthur, who was looking back at him as if he couldn't see anyone else.

“One minute to go!” Will hollered.

This was the moment. Merlin could do this. He could.

He took a deep breath before saying, “Arthur…”

“Yeah, Merlin?”

Arthur looked perfect in the moonlight, the fairy lights that Morgana had strung up making his blond hair shine.

Merlin felt struck by his presence.

“You okay?” Arthur asked.

Merlin shook himself, clearing his thoughts. “You know how they say that what you’re doing and who you're with at midnight will set the course for the rest of the new year?” Merlin said, jostling Arthur’s shoulders.

“Is that really something they say?” Arthur asked, skeptical.

“What, like I’m going to make that up?” Merlin laughed as the countdown started.

“Ten!” Everyone began to shout.

Arthur smiled, shaking his head. After a moment, Arthur bit his lip and straightened his shoulders as if he had decided something. “Regardless, I suppose it’s a good thing that I’m right where I want to be, then, huh?” he said, looking at Merlin nervously.

“Nine!”

“Are you...are you serious?” Merlin asked. “Don’t mess with me.” He felt like he might pass out.

“Eight!”

“Merlin, I’m not,” Arthur said earnestly.

“Seven!”

“I’ve been in love with you for half of my life,” Arthur continued. “I love you.” Merlin could hear his pulse pounding in his ears.

“Six!”

“And I can’t stand by and let you go. I won’t do it. You’re it for me, you know?” Arthur said, reaching out to take Merlin's hands in his. “Please say something.”

“Five!”

“Arthur, I—I love you, too,” Merlin said, watching as the smile on Arthur’s face grew.

“Four!”

They stood there just staring at each other, wide-eyed, as if they couldn’t believe this was really happening.

“Three!”

“Merlin, do you—will you be my boyfriend?”

“Two!”

“Yes.” As if there was any doubt.

“One!”

They leaned in towards each other, laughing and smiling.

“Happy New Year!”

Merlin kissed Arthur hard, relishing the sound of his groan. They kissed and kissed and kissed, feeling as if there was no one else around.

That was until Will decided to let out a loud, “Finally!”

They broke apart, laughing. Finally was right.

“I think this is going to be our best year yet,” Arthur said, smiling, leaning in to give Merlin another kiss.

“I think you might be right,” Merlin replied, happy and dazed.

Arthur smiled at him widely, wrapping him up in a warm hug. “To the new year!”

“The new year!”

Merlin knew that everything was going to be all right. A new year, a new beginning. He couldn’t wait.


End file.
